I know it’s never good to blog when you’re not feeling good. It can spread negativity and that is about the last thing I want. But today I feel like I need to confess something.
So let’s go back to when it all started. Last summer I was picked for CP and AC within about 1 or 2 months. I was SO freaking excited!! I couldn’t believe, that my dreams have finally come true! I’ve always wanted to design for the big manufacturers, so this truly was out of this world for me.
And then I got bashed. I’m not gonna mention where, just gonna say that I was broken. There were about 7 million little pieces of me on the floor. My heart is racing as I am writing this. Ever since I’ve tried to forget the hateful comments. It wasn’t easy. Still isn’t. It wasn’t just about my style, it was about me as a person. I’m not gonna go deeper, as I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. That’s so not the point.
After all that smacking and bashing I felt like I wasn’t good enough anymore. It seriously affected my love for scrapbooking. I kept on going. I tried to fall in love with scrapbooking all over again, but instead I fell in love with wedding photography.
In September I finally decided to become a wedding photographer, build up a site and got lost. I think I was still trying to fix myself. Trying to tell myself, that some people don’t think I’m obnoxious. Stupid. A little witch. Untalented. Boring. And much worse.
You know, it’s strange! I’ve gotten so many wonderful comments from you all, over the years – and I thank you so so much for all your support – but when you get hit so hard, all these comments seemed to disappear and be fake. It’s just amazing how much damage one can do with their tongues – or in this case, with their keyboards!
However, in January (yeah, I’m all about new beginnings ) something happened. I picked up my new dream again. To become a wedding photographer. It was energizing to know I had a new focus again. A new place to grow. A new canvas that was waiting to be painted!
I was so occupied with new ideas, new dreams, new goals, that I didn’t have time to realize what happened on the scrapbooking front. Scrapbooking used to be my world and within the last 2 months that changed. Fast! It’s not my world anymore. I moved on, without me even wanting to.
This blog has been so empty lately. Not only that I didn’t write too much anymore, but empty of me. I feel guilty and that is why I needed to confess. You are my friends and I once destroyed a really good friendship by loosing interest and focus and didn’t let that person know how I felt. I know, this situation is different. It’s just a blog. But still. It’s not me I’m concerned about, it’s you! The people that have supported me on my journey, that have written me comments and emails, that gave me amazing opportunities and that were the wind beneath my wings.
Now this all sounds like I’m gonna commit suicide, huh! Don’t worry, I’m not Life is good. New doors are opening and I think I’m on something greater than I can imagine. Of course, that is how I see the world. My glass is always half full I’m excited to see what is going to happen. I feel free. Free to be myself again. Free to do what I love. Free to share what I do best.
I can’t tell you what is going to happen on this blog. I’m determined to finish what I started. That is all I know right now. I’m not gonna disappear immediately, but I think I’ve reached the end of the road. Or at least, I can see the end in the distance.
Like I said before, I didn’t tell you all this so you have to feel sorry for me! Please don’t! I wanted to let my friends know where I’m at. That things are changing. That new things are happening. That life is really busy, but good again.
In case you want to continue to follow my journey, you are more than welcome to follow my new photography blog It’s not much just yet and I hate the layout and design, but I hope to grow with it It’s super exciting and I can’t wait to see what will all come from it!
Have a great great day! Stay true to who you are, do what you love and share along the way